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| Greetings and salutations my dear readership. I would like to take this moment of your day to apologize for having not written for the past 3 weeks. I wish I had some great excuse like the fact that I contracted the H1N1 "Swine Flu" virus and spent the weeks sitting idly in quarantine at a state of the art government facility...however, that would only be the partial truth. That part about me sitting idly was a lie. I spent the days mostly being strapped to a table and experimented on by so called "scientists" who wore bright yellow radiation suits and spoke to each other in some kind of code language that  entailed guttural beeping and chirping noises. Performing invasive surgeries every morning at 10:42, my captors seemed to be looking for something amongst my organs. Initially I thought that they may be individually cleansing my internal body parts in an effort to rid them of the H1N1 infection. My theory was soon consumed by the fires of common sense reminding me that picking up a living person's pancreas and scanning it with a green light and then putting it back into the body doesn't necessarily cure infections. That is unless the government scientists had developed a brand new swine flu killing green light scanner device that contains technology that has not yet been released to the public. A third option could be that I was heavily drugged and only thought I saw evil doctors scanning my organs with a green light in a state of the art government facility. Of course, I'm only assuming that all this happened to me over the past three weeks and that the scientists also had the technology to erase my memories and replace them with memories if me getting laid off, having to find a new job, getting a new cell phone, getting a new car and filming a video of me getting crushed by falling rocks in a wooded glen. Silly government scientists, they could have picked a more convincing story. 
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| Have you ever looked longingly up at the moon and marveled at its majestic majesty? The moon and its reflective properties bring feelings of comfort and awe to all who look upon its elegant lunar beauty�but looks can be deceiving. As has been confirmed by fuzzy handheld video footage time and time again, the moon has unleashed a plague on humanity for decades. Whole herds of livestock and countless humans have fallen victim to the terrors known as werewolves. So feared and horrible are these creatures of myth that we make motion pictures that portray them as ruggedly handsome vampire killing heroes � just so the teenage girls of society can sleep at night. But now, NASA has a plan to eradicate all werewolf infestations everywhere by attacking them at their weakest point and the source of their mutation, the moon. On Friday, October 9, 2009 NASA rammed an unmanned spacecraft and its sensing satellite into the lunar surface at 6,000 miles per hour. This was simply a training exercise for launching a full scale nuclear assault on our planet�s night light. Join the cause, send your support to NASA and help us rid the earth of the werewolf once and for all. The moon must be destroyed, only then can we find peace, security and be forever rid of the Twilight Saga. This has been a Stewart Adams Project Public Service Announcement. To learn more information on NASA�s attempt to blow up the moon, visit the internet. 
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| Relationships can be categorized metaphorically by using the 3 methods of atomic bonding that exist in nature. Sure, its extremely geeky and uber science-esque but helpful and factual none-the-less. There is a reason why they call the way humans interact romantically, chemistry. Atomic Bonding #1 Covalent Bonding This is the type of bonding where two or more atoms are brought together by a sharing of their valence electrons. By filling in gaps in their atomic charges, each atom becomes more stable and therefore develops a strong link to the other. One atoms lack of electrons is balanced out by the others abundance of them the positive and negative charges find equilibrium and both atoms benefit from what could be termed a symbiotic relationshipif only atoms where actually alive. This is an example of a pure, efficient and working relationship. Both individuals are wholly intact and the strengths of each compliment the other to form an intimate oneness and a mutual benefit to both. Neither attempts to change the other, they are simply perfect for each other and were obviously created for that purpose. Real life examples:
Atomic Bonding #2 Ionic Bonding With Ionic bonding, atoms with strong charges bond with other atoms by gaining and losing their valence electrons. For example, atom #1 has 7 valance electrons and meets up with an atom that has only one. The first atom has a much stronger pull and so it takes the electron from atom #2. By doing this the first atom becomes negatively charged (since it just acquired a negatively charged particle) and consequently, the second becomes positively charged (since it just lost a negatively charged particle). The two opposite charges are then attracted to each other (see basic magnetism) and the bond is complete. In this case, individual A must first change something about individual B, before the attraction can be made. This is often a very painful process and can take years to perfect if two people are stubborn enough. In other cases, a person gladly gives up a part of themselves for the good of the relationship. Real life examples: 97.45% of all romantic relationships.
Atomic Bonding #3 Metallic Bonding Metallic bonding is often referred to a sharing of free electrons in an electron sea. Basically some metals bond to other metals simply because they are there. Often metals are bonded by external means such as hammering and intense heat. This type of bonding occurs when two people are together and there is no one else around. This is why every time a man and woman are stranded on a deserted island together, they always fall in love even if they hate each other in the beginning. Pain and beatings (like fire and hammering) tend to speed this bond and the more persecution there is, the more in love the couple will fall. Real life examples: Beauty and the Beast, Petruchio and Katherina , Rhett Butler and Scarlett Ohara, Shrek and Fiona, etc. 
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| The following is a critical dissection of the pop song I Gotta Feeling by The Black Eyed Peas. This particular tune is currently being vastly overplayed on Top 40 radio stations across the country and has confirmed beyond all reasonable doubt that song writing and music as an art form have all but vanished into the dark abyss of mindless repetition. Some of the lyrics have been softened so as not to seem crass or offend any of our younger readers, after all this is a family website. Black Eyed Peas I Gotta Feeling Chorus: I gotta feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good, good night
A feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good, good night
A feeling, woohoo, that tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good, good night
A feeling, woohoo, that tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good, good night V. 1 Tonights the night night
Lets live it up
I got my money
Lets spend it up
Go out and smash it
Like oh my gosh
Jump off that sofa
Lets get get off I know that well have a ball
If we get down
And go out
And just loose it all
I feel stressed out
I wanna let it go
Lets go way out spaced out
And losing all control Fill up my cup
Mozoltov
Lets paint the town
Well shut it down
Lets burn the roof
And then well do it again Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it
And do it and do it, let's live it up
And do it and do it and do it, do it, do it
Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it.
Chorus
V. 2 Repeat V. 1, No joke.
V. 3 Which is really more like a bridge with key and tempo changes so that the listener can hurry up and get back to the meat of the songthe chorus.
Lets live it up
Lets do it
Here we come
Here we go
We gotta rock (Rock rock rock rock)
Easy come
Easy go
Now we on top (Top top top top)
Feel the shot
Rock it, dont stop (Stop stop stop stop) Um, yes please?
Round and round
Up and down
Around the clock
Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday, and Thursday
Friday, Saturday
Saturday to Sunday Nothing like randomly throwing the days of the week into a songthis is top notch lyric writing people. Get get get get get with us
You know what we say
Party every day
Pa-pa-pa-party every day
Chorus (x2)
Conclusion: Just because you put the word good in a song 32 hundred times that doesnt mean the song inherits the meaning of the repeated word.
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| Fact: Gila Monsters are awesome, and by awesome I mean totally sweet.
This blog post is all about REAL GILA MONSTERS. This blog post is awesome.  My Name is Stewart and I cant stop thinking about Gila Monsters. These guys are so cool, and by cool I mean totally sweet. Facts: 01. Gila Monsters are reptiles. 02. Gila Monsters fight ALL the time. 03. The purpose of the Gila Monster is to flip out and kill people. Testimonial: Gilas can kill anyone they want! Gila Monsters cut people ALL the time and don't even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time. I heard that there was this Gila Monster who was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the Gila Monster killed the whole town. My friend Mark said that he saw a Gila Monster totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window. And that's what I call REAL Ultimate Power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you don't believe that Gila Monsters have REAL Ultimate Power you better get a life right now or they will chop your toe off!!! It's an easy choice, if you ask me. Gila Monsters are sooooooooooo sweet that I can't believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart. These guys are totally awesome and that's a fact. Gila Monsters are fast, smooth, cool, strong, powerful, and sweet. I can't wait to start yoga next year. I love ninjas with all of my body. Q and A: Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about Gila Monsters?
A: Gila Monsters are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand they don't give a flip, but on the other hand, Gila Monsters are very careful and precise.
Q: I heard that Gila Monsters are always cruel or mean. What's their problem?
A: Whoever told you that is a total liar. Just like other reptiles, Gila Monsters can be mean OR totally awesome. Q: What do Gila Monsters do when they're not cutting off toes or flipping out?
A: Most of their free time is spent flying, but sometime they stab. (Ask Mark if you don't believe me.) Warning: If you see, hear, smell, taste or feel a Gila Monster anywhere near you, run away as fast as you possibly can. You never know what might trigger a Gila Monster to flip out so the best defense against them is to be as far from them as possiblenot that it will really matter. Did I mention that Gila Monsters are totally sweet? 
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